What does it mean to belong?

We are in a time of great duality and polarisation, when instability appears to be the order of the day. This often reflects into a feeling of being chaotic and out of control in our own lives. In order to reclaim our sense of security and stability in our lives during this time of great transition, we can begin by focusing our attention inwards onto our own surroundings and what we do have control over. Focusing on creating a greater sense of personal connection, nesting and nurturing within our own environment. From this place of balance and stability we can develop a firm footing from which to reach out a helping hand and connect with those around us,  rippling this sense of security and support to others.

Belonging Vs Fitting in

Globalisation has created a sense of urgency to conform, for uniformity in how we appear, how we express ourselves and what we think. The proliferation of ideas fed to us on “social media” and perpetuated by algorithms which feed us more of what we put our attention on, leads us to lowest common denominator ways of being. It is  putting us under pressure to express and appear the same way in order to ‘fit in’ which leaves us feeling hollow and disconnected because it doesn’t ring true to our inner self.

Our societal compulsion to fit in presents us with a problem. Brené Brown’s research (quoted in her brilliant book, The Power of vulnerability) shows that fitting in is “the number one barrier to belonging” She goes on to say that “… in the absence of love and belonging there is always suffering.”

Disconnection

One aspect of this, I would suggest, is a disconnection from our surroundings, often not being conscious of the energetic interconnectedness between our energy and that of our immediate environment. Many of us have become disconnected emotionally from our homes and suffer a sense of loss, or loneliness, even when we are physically at home.

Speaking from my own family experience, this is also at the heart of the suffering experienced by people living with dementia and their constant repetition of the phrase “I want to go home” even when they are physically in their own house. The home they are seeking is a feeling of safety, connection and familiarity.

In experiencing the loss of connection with their surroundings, and even with their own loved ones, it seems that they have forever lost their sense of belonging.

Balancing belonging with our need to individuate

We all have a need to belong, but also to have the freedom to individuate and express ourselves, to be acknowledged and seen. To create a true sense of home, we must be receptive to our own individual needs and sense of self; our connection to our feeling of what home is for us.

The home we talk about when we discuss “feeling at home” or “making ourselves at home”, “home truths” or “home being where the heart is” is more than just the shell of a building and more than the individual things we surround ourselves with. It is a construct, a feeling; almost a sense of “re-membering”. It is a re-building of an atmosphere, constructed by gathering together and layering in all of the elements with which we choose to feather our own nest.

Our homes are our “outer skin”

In the creation of a true home for ourselves to belong in, we can explore how the colour, shape, scent, textures and the atmosphere of a space conspire to provide an individual personality. We are in close relationship with our homes, whether we are even conscious of that relationship or not. We are not separate from our environments, or for that matter from each other. Our buildings are an extension of ourselves, often described as our outer skin. Some would say that our surroundings are a metaphor for all that is going on inside us, mirroring our innermost energy signature back to us, giving us the opportunity to work towards balance inside and out.

As Winston Churchill said, “we shape our buildings and thereafter they shape us.”

Excerpt from my book “A Place to Call Home”